Romania: Reexamined

Sometimes, I astound myself. It is 1:23 am as I'm beginning this. I have oodles of school to do, an alarm set for quarter to six, and about a million hours of work to do tomorrow. And yet, here am I, cleaning my nails of wedding polish (can you say ew?) and...blogging. BUT! I promised. About the blogging, not the polish removal. Though I wish someone would hold me accountable for that too sometimes...another story.

So mostly-non-existent readership, permit me to do some more Romania talk. Would you believe it--since I last wrote, I have become the proud owner of transatlantic plane tickets with British Airways to--would you believe this too--Bucharest. I'm here not to defend my plans exactly--no one is being accusatory or anything--but rather to explain some more I guess?

The truth is, I don't really know what I'm doing anymore than anyone else can see. To a lot of people, this probably looks like either a) a crazy, ill-planned adventure for a stir-crazy fool, or b) an ill-planned ploy to--and it pains me to even acknowledge this really--catch a husband. I'll go with a) first.

This does seem crazy. I spent two weeks some place, and all of a sudden it's everything, and I go out of my way to spend a bunch of money and time getting back. To everyone, and even to most of me, that seems ridiculous, and foolish, and crazy. But the other part of me, and probably no one else, knows that this is supposed to be happening. The Lord has been very, very clear with me about this. I am meant to get on that plane, and go see those people. I don't mean to sound all extra in tune spiritually, but the Lord and I are friends. Why shouldn't He tell me stuff? And one thing He has told me is to go back to Romania.

I left Romania thinking dually, 1. I need to get back to that place! and 2. everyone says that, and much less than everyone actually follows through. This is not to say boo on everyone who has only been once--not at all. Going at all is a great sacrifice, and a wonderful service. And I fully understand that there are reasons people can't always return. And maybe the Lord wouldn't have them to! He tells us all different stuff--duh. But coming home, I felt Him very clearly telling me, it doesn't have to be like that. You don't have to go, and make connections, and be touched by people, and then never see them again until you're together in glory. You don't have to ignore what you feel for them. You can take that love, and live it, in this case, by making a crazy-looking, out of the blue trip just to visit. I mean, I don't expect to be any great, huge help, and I don't flatter myself thinking that I'm going to be some wondrous encouragement. But I do know this: that it means a lot to them to have visitors, and it means a lot to me to be with them.

So as wild and nonsensical as it seems, I'm just trying to be obedient. It's not hard when I'm loving the idea. :) And oh boy, the second one's a doozy. The (dun, dun, DUN) marriage one. Ipes. This is the thing people who don't even bother to consider the crazy part. They just see girls going to a place where there are boys, and it equals someone wants to marry (I say marry, because dating is basically a non-anything for my kind of Romanians)

Okay, first of all, I am not even 22. There is no reason to pull out the stops and be a husband hunter right now. 22 is not supposed to be an age of desperation, and I refuse to treat it as such. Not every move I make is made as the means to a marital end. But that is a whole other blog post, my friends.

And as much as I understand the curiousity--I'd probably say the same thing if I weren't me--I almost a little bit resent the implication. Part of what drew me to the trip was the fact that in the past, so many of the Romanian-returns have been because of romantical possibilities. They were I think all on the d-l, but very few have returned to Romania without some ulterior motive involving, ahem, marital bliss, if even on a superly distant horizon. And maybe this is silly, but to me, realizing that was like a punch in the gut somehow.

How is it that only romantic prospects have been able to draw any number of people back to Romania? Like I don't want it to sound like I'm trying to be all heroic, and exemplary because I shelled out for a plane ticket even without a possible husband lying in wait. But one of the reasons I was so happy to plan to go back is I wanted to say, Look Romanians! You're enough! Even you minus the engagement ring! (except my kind of Romanians don't wear engagement rings, but you get the picture) I just kind of wanted somebody to break the mold and be able to go just for the sake of friendship and brotherhood in Christ. And also, to show future Romania travelers, or even past ones, that it doesn't have to be a "once-in-a-lifetime adventure!" (ugh, it bothers me a lot when people refer to it as such--there are people there, and Romania is their home and reality, not just our virtuous-summer-vacation hotspot), and that you really can go back! There's no rule that says you can only visit Romania if you're scoping out spousal applicants. It's not as if I'm the first one ("we," my traveling friend included), but it's just something I feel strongly about.

That having been said, I have to say something too, in order to fulfill my original obligation. This post was to put at ease the mind of friends, a specific one in particular. I already said this, at least to this friend :), but I have no plans to move to Romania. I have no plans to move anywhere. But I will be honest and say, if something came up and there were an opportunity or reason to move to Romania, I would absolutely pray seriously about it, and have no problem saying yes if I felt like it was the Lord's mind. But at the same time, I would say the exact same thing if the place in question was, say, California. Or Pennsylvania. Or Rockford for pity's sake.

Like I said, I have no plans to move to Romania. and I would be extremely surprised if that's what the Lord had for me. But the reality of the situation is, if it won't be Romania, it'll be someplace else. I have no delusions that I will somehow end up living in this area--the very likely truth is that I will live somewhere that isn't here, and probably somewhere at least vaguely far from here. That said, I have no plans to move away from here at all, not yet. Who knows what He has in the future, but for now, I am firmly planted. And even if I had to be firmly planted across oceans, or just across state lines, I would still be me, and my friends, you would still be you, and I would still love you and talk to you and what not. Our faces would just be farther away, that's all. :)

I'm not sure what all else there is to be said in the way of reassurance, but what I do know is that I have to get up in about 4 hours to take my g-ma to the airport. Goody. My sincere apologies for such a boring, self-centered, self-righteous, not funny blogpost. I hate blogs that aren't funny. Blech. Anyhow, I hate four hours of sleep even more, so I'm going to try and make it slightly over. Good night to allllll....